Cast
A totally true tale — told by yours truly, Kiki the Crow: forest reporter, drama detector, and full-time speed skeptic.
Staring
• Hare – Fast. Flashy. Thinks he’s nature’s gift to running.
• Tortoise – Calm. Steady. May or may not be made of stone.
• Kiki the Crow – That’s me! Sharp-eyed, quick-witted, and professionally nosey. I ask the questions nobody asked. I stir the pot. I narrate everything. You’re welcome. Probably.
Buckle up. There’s racing, roasting, and more than one ego in need of a snack.
The Mocking Begins
In a sun-dappled corner of the Peaceful Forest, the Hare chuckled at the sight of the Tortoise calmly munching a leaf.
“Hey Slowpoke,” the Hare said, twitching his ears. “Are you alive, or statue-posing again, slow-mo champ?”
The Tortoise didn’t even flinch. “Good morning, Hare.”
Up on a branch, Kiki the Crow flapped in dramatically. “Oho! First jab of the day! Mocking to feel taller? How original. Classic insecure speedster vibes.”
The Hare grinned. “I’m just having fun. Look at him. He’s not slow — he’s practically a landmark.”
“Hmm,” said Kiki, tilting her head. “Does mocking make you faster—or just louder? Asking for, well… everyone.”
“I just don’t get how he ever gets anywhere,” Hare shrugged.
Tortoise looked up. “I get where I need to be. Want to race and see?”
Kiki nearly dropped off the branch. “Wait—you challenged him? What are we racing for here? Speed or some kind of shell drama?”
Tortoise’s voice was calm. “Neither. Just tired of pretending I’m not enough.”
“WhAAAT?!” Kiki flailed. “You do know you’re a tortoise, right? No wheels, no wings, no boosters!”
Hare burst out laughing. “This is gonna be fun. Let’s do it!”
Race Day Drama
The animals gathered along the forest trail. Ferns rustled with excitement. Kiki flew above the crowd with a leaf for a flag — because yes, we’re doing this forest-style.
“Ladies and gentlebugs! Welcome to the most unnecessary event of the season: Speed vs. Steady! Winner gets… absolutely nothing. Except a ridiculous amount of attention.”
Hare did warm-ups like he was auditioning for the Forest Olympics.
Tortoise just… breathed.
“Try to keep up, Turbo-Slug,” said Hare.
“Let’s go,” said Tortoise.
Kiki dropped the leaf-flag dramatically.
Zoom and Snooze
Hare vanished in a puff of dust. Tortoise began walking — slow, steady, grounded.
Kiki glided beside him. “Okay but like… why are you even doing this? You allergic to comfort?”
“Not to win,” said Tortoise. “Just to show I don’t need to be ashamed of my pace.”
Kiki blinked. “So it’s not about beating the bunny… it’s about standing your ground? Huh.”
“Something like that,” Tortoise nodded.
Kiki thought silently, That’s… oddly mature. Who let the philosophy in?
The Nap Trap
Far ahead, Hare was alone on the trail. Birds chirped. No one was watching.
He yawned. “He’s miles behind. I could nap, dream, wake up, and still win.”
He flopped beneath a tree and shut his eyes.
Kiki landed beside him.
“Interesting. You race to prove you’re faster… then stop to sleep?”
“Strategy,” mumbled Hare.
Kiki squinted. “Is it strategy… or are you bored when there’s no one left to impress?”
Hare was already snoring.
Hours passed. The tortoise kept walking.
Kiki sat on a rock nearby, sipping coconut water, sunglasses on, like she was on vacation from logic.
“Still walking? Aren’t you bored?” she asked.
“No. I like the view,” said Tortoise.
“He ran from insecurity straight into a nap,” Kiki muttered.
The tortoise walked on, unhurried, unbothered.
Almost There
Near the finish line, the Tortoise trudged forward. The crowd of forest animals had gathered again, whispering in disbelief.
Kiki’s feathers shot up in shock. “No. Freaking. Way.”
Back under the tree, Hare jolted awake.
“What time is it?! Where’s the finish?!”
He saw the tortoise — and sprinted.
“No way I’m losing to a walking helmet!”
Kiki flew overhead, shouting through a leaf megaphone. “BREAKING NEWS! Slow and steady just passed ‘Speedy Snorezilla!’”
The Finish Line
Just as Hare reached top speed — the Tortoise crossed the line.
The forest erupted in cheers.
Kiki flipped mid-air. “Okay okay okay — moment of truth! Are we mad? Sad? Or… weirdly proud of the turtle?”
Hare collapsed beside the line, panting.
“I guess I thought I had to beat someone to feel good.”
Tortoise smiled gently. “I thought I had to prove I belonged.”
Kiki cackled. “So this was never a race — it was a feelings parade! I love it. Tragic. Beautiful. 10/10.”
The Real Question
The sun dipped low. Animals wandered home. Hare and Tortoise sat side by side.
“Want to walk back together?” Hare asked.
“Sure,” said Tortoise. “Let’s not rush.”
Kiki hovered above, wings flapping slowly.
“And thus ends the Great Race to Nowhere. Moral? Nah. Just questions:
Who are you racing?
What are you proving?
And… could we just walk and talk instead?”
Kiki out. Beak up, drama down. Catch you at the next unnecessary showdown.
